I’ve been thinking a lot about the past. My past.
Like…it wasn’t seen that I was prioritizing my relationship. I acknowledged that and tried to show the difference. I wasn’t really given a chance.
Prioritization meant losing the essence of me to cater to someone else. How is that even healthy? No seriously. How can I be at someone’s beck and call when I have to work…pay bills…take care of responsibilities that extend beyond me? How?
Yet still in those days, I stayed on the phone for hours, regardless of the time. I did what the other person wanted. Bought what they wanted. Yet in the times that I had to take care of my responsibilities, I failed to “prioritize”.
Two years ago, I struggled with this. In my hurt and despair, I was willing to do anything. I was already pouring into someone else while depleting myself. So I’m not even sure why/how I thought that would work!
But I tried…
I was prioritizing someone who held me as an option to be used when needed. When the friends weren’t friending like they used to. When the family wasn’t familying like they should have. And I’m guessing the dating pool was trash! The “option” at the end of the line…was me.
LOL! Me as an option? That thought is wild! Like…if you ever get to know me on a more personal and intimate level, you get the best of me. I legit give the kind of love I want in return. Option where?
You either want to be connected with me or you don’t. Life is that simple. There’s no comparison with another. I’m upfront and open. What you see is what you get, cuz I operate in integrity.
I’m me. And I know I’m not for everyone.
Either you’re 100% with me or you’re not. But my life ain’t a part of a custody agreement. You don’t get to have me when it conveniences you.
D. Block 